* "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
* "We're all out of red, so I used pink."
* "There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
* "Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
* "That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Sweetie."
* "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."
* "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
* "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
* "The flag's all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says? "Where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow; two, once in a while I like to play with my money; three, I like how money feels in my hand; and lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."